In this point of my life, my confidence is being test. My courage , my dreams and hope are down by turn of events.
Job hunting mode.
I had one of the worst job interviews last January, when my interviewee questioned not only my capabilities now but also my past achievements. I understand that interview was like behavioral interview but I admit I flared up in some instances. She made me feel that I’m old and nothing but incapable person in online community.
To give you some details, I gave her information that I don’t usually divulge. I never told her over the top stories but achievements that I’m proud of because I work hard to get them. Yes, I maybe not the smartest girl in town but I don’t look down to myself as well. Because at least I did good jobs and I’m trying to do more good things.
In the end, she asked me to submit a new work sample of mine for her to evaluate. I don’t know if this good move, but I didn’t do that. I was judged and insulted, why I have to try to work for their company. I understand her way of selecting candidates and I commend the works of their company ( why I bother to apply to them right?). But, maybe she challenged me in the wrong sense. Someday, I want to meet her again and say what I’ve become after our interview. Just to prove that I’m not ordinary girl and not to slap her because of her impolite attitude.
Failed to pass
Another failures at the start of job hunting phase was when I couldn’t attend the exam and interview of companies that I’d like to work for. That time I had deadline to finish and I’m always lack of sleep. I thought what’s gonna be my performance level in our meetings if my mind was not working well and I’m too worried of my tasks with my current job that time. I tried to communicate with these companies to reschedule me for another exam/ interview. But sadly, they didn’t reply in my requests.
And though, I have ideals in where I want to pursue my career. I’m also have to face that I need to be practical. Vacancy in my field of study is very rare and the competition is very stiff. So I applied in similar jobs but in different setting. Something that I avoided before. There was a company that interest me that I enthusiastically waited to call me. This company is into fashion which is one of my not favorite topics but I’d like to learn. I believe I passed the interview but the selection committee or the upper management find someone who is more competitive than I’m.
Then after that I applied in the companies that have interesting mission. But, I think my enthusiasm and even my credentials were not good enough for them.
Analyzing and Picking up my self
Honestly, I’m in gray period at this moment. I thought I’m ready in possible scenario once I become unemployed again ( I resigned by the way so this is my decision) but those rejections bugged my confidence and my financial status too. Well good thing I have savings but of course, as much as possible I want to keep it till I retire or form my dream business.
Maybe what’s worst in this phase is to feel unwanted emotions. I’d like to believe my maturity level is way better than before but I can’t help but to feel bad, sad, idiot, and hopeless. Why I can’t persuade them to hire me? Why I can’t pass their exams? Why when I submit my sample works they didn’t call me back? It’s really frustrating!
But I encourage myself that instead of getting worse because of unfortunate results. I have to think clearly because there’s no one to blame and going to help me, but also my self. I have to analyze and take action to develop myself. Anyway, every experience gives invaluable lessons that is not only for certain aspect but entirely for our own being.